I guess hardship makes you think about what you really want in life

After thinking about it, my goals in life are:

- to become independent
- to get a decent job (any job) so I can:
- continue kendo
- and look after my mother and any future family

anything else is a bonus, but I wish I could just skip time and get there.

...

My life might have taken a turn for the worst. If that's the case, I don't know how I'll cope or handle it. I don't know what to do and I'm scared. I can't afford to make any mistakes. I still can't believe what I saw, part of me really wants me to pretend I was wrong. But I am 90% sure of what I saw, and it's quite haunting.

To those who read this, don't take things for granted, cause right now I would trade my life for anyone of yours.

Moral choices

What lengths would you go to do what was right? If someone was not working as hard as expected, to the point of stressing you and others, would you do something about it?

Just saying now that this is about what happened in my uni, so pretty much anyone reading this wouldn't know what I'm talking about. Anyways yeah. A person found out I was one of the people who gave this person a less than good peer evaluation. Because that person legit didn't do a good job, and it forced the rest of us to work harder. But now this person thinks I'm the sole cause of the drop in the marks and proceeded to delete me on facebook. And then block me.

Now I'm wondering if I did the right thing. Should I have done what usual students do and just fudge it and give everyone good review? Well maybe I would if it wasn't that bad, but if it pissed my friend off, then it had to be pretty bad. But I don't believe in that. Seems like all students care about is the numbers that get them the degree, without actually caring about the things taught along the way. I had the opportunity of having a great chemistry demonstrator, who won't be demonstrating anymore because he believed that the system was wrong. 

In our lab, we get marked on how much product we make. Now thing is, they don't actually check, they just have to look at our report. Also purity of the compound isn't checked, so I could literally add sand and no one could prove me wrong that I had a low yield. This makes puts a focus on just that, getting a good yield, and not actually learning how to do it. Like really, they didn't teach us any techniques to increase yield, so pretty much the lecture content doesn't really play a big part in this.

Anyways what he said was that people only care about the piece of paper at the end of the degree, but unless we take what was taught, that's all it will be, a piece of paper. Looking at myself, that's pretty true, I memorise things just so I can get marks, then forget about them. Would I have any skills by the time I graduate? I hope so. But yeah, it's hard when some things aren't interesting to me.

Going back on topic, While it is regretful that I caused someone displeasure, at least it's targeted at me only. I can deal with that, as long as the others are fine.

Last week of uni, and exams starts soon. Strangely, this is my favourite time of the semester. Well, there's nothing new to learn, and something about spending an entire day with my friends feels nice. But now, things have changed, things aren't the same anymore and how that would affect things, I don't know. All I know is that as long as I can be there and helpful for the people I care about, I'm happy.